The NBC TV program ‘The Book of Daniel’ is a comedy about Episcopalians. The writer, Jack Kenny, is a practicing homosexual who describes himself as being "in Catholic recovery." He is interested in Buddhist teachings about reincarnation. He says this about Jesus as Lord, "I don't necessarily know that all the myth surrounding him (Jesus) is true."
The main character is an Episcopalian priest who is addicted to pain pills. There is the usual mix of alcoholism, drug dealing, homosexuality, embezzlement, adultery, promiscuous sex, and organized crime we all associate with Episcopalian churches. And, of course, the Savior of the World and God-in-man, Jesus, is just a wimpy guy riding shotgun and giving insipid advice. Pretty funny show, huh?
I wonder if NBC meant to mock Christianity and Christians? If so, they couldn’t be so clueless as to choose the Episcopalians as their vehicle. The Episcopalian church is splitting into its apostate, Sissy Christian majority and Bible-believing, stalwart minority over worshipping homosexuality. Soon there will be more Moslems in America than the ever-diminishing Episcopalians. Besides, there are much better alternatives to mix satirical comedy and religion. What could ever prevent NBC from having laugh riots with other religions? Consider the possibilities NBC rejected.
Messing With Mohammed. The imam at a Wahabbi mosque in Northern Virginia wonders how to best fight jihad in America. The valedictorian of his son’s Muslim high school is convicted of planning terrorist acts, so who will be his son’s roommate next year at infidel college? His oldest daughter wants to be the first suicide bomber in America but can’t decide whether to go with a colorful hijab for the Metro surveillance cameras or the full bodied burka now that she has gained weight. His five other kids are giving him a hard time about female circumcision and refuse to promise to do an honor killing of any sister who has sex or is raped. His wife keeps nagging him to get Sharia as law in the U.S. so he can get 3 more wives to help with the housework. Meanwhile, the Prophet Mohammed keeps showing up and bugging him to go on line to pick out the next 7 year old girl to marry like his last wife. Mohammed gives him dumb advice like, “Do what I did to the Jewish Qurayza tribe in 627 AD and cut their heads off. All of them. It’s simple.”
Happy Hindu Days. The priest at a temple outside San Francisco has an elephant god statue that keeps leaking milk. The crushing crowds have ruined the new carpet with spilt milk. Grandpa is insisting that the priest take him and Grandma back to India before he dies of cancer. The rub is that Grandpa insists that Grandma commit suttee and jump on his funeral pyre. The imperialist, Christian Brits outlawed suttee, forcing their values down Hindu throats. Time to make it right for multiculturalism. His wife is upset that the local 7-11 manager keeps commenting that her caste spot is way cool gothic make up. But, the big crisis is that their next door neighbors are untouchable Dalits. The priest’s family is Brahmin. The Dalit dad won the lottery and now has the audacity to live in the same gated community. The priest is torn between hoping the 100 million Dalits convert to Christianity, as they are considering, so they won’t make his neighborhood unclean and worrying about who will replace them on the permanent bottom rung of society based on birth.
Buddhist Friends. A monk in Colorado is desperate because his monastery is being overrun by particularly stupid, wannabe converts. The Hollywood actors compete with the formerly Jewish New Yorkers over everything. But, they bring so much money to the monastery, what is he to do? These simpletons wallowing in their spirituality, not religion, give the kind of cash that makes the Buddhist nuns, who were sworn to poverty, donations to Al Gore look like chump change. Back in Communist China his parents had an illegal second child, his brother, who can’t find a wife now that so many girl babies were killed at birth. The monk is wondering how much it will cost to smuggle his brother and parents in the U.S. But, he is worried how it will look since the whole village has converted to Evangelical Christianity in an underground church.
Human Secular Sex in the Suburbs. A co-habitating couple who worship the God with a small ‘g’ called ‘Self’ leave the city and move to generic suburb. They live vapid, empty lives trying to fill the God-sized hole in the human heart with materialism, promiscuous sex without marriage, self-medication, and liberal political correctness. Wait, that’s already on. It’s most TV.
Real Christian Wingnuts. A reality show about Assembly of God, Southern Baptist and Roman Catholic families that live next to each other outside Atlanta. They pray for one another. The Baptist and Catholic fathers get back from relief work after Hurricane Katrina to find the Pentecostal father’s church brothers have built a wheelchair ramp for the Catholic family’s invalid grandmother. All the parents are collecting names for petitions to the school board to stop the cultural cleansing of Christmas. The kids play sports together and go to each others’ youth groups if there is really a fun event. The Catholic parents are considering joining the home Bible study the Baptists have on Thursday. The Pentecostals already go to their own.
Wouldn’t these alternatives make better entertainment? NBC couldn’t possibly have an agenda to just mock Episcopalians. Or Christians. Could they?
James Atticus Bowden is a military 'futurist.' His novel, Rosetta 6.2, should be published in mid-2006. A retired United States Army Infantry Officer, he is a 1972 graduate of the United States Military Academy. He earned graduate degrees from Harvard University and Columbia University. He holds three elected Republican Party offices in Virginia.
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