READING BETWEEN THE LINES OF HILLARY'S "I'M IN" ANNOUNCEMENT
As most everyone knows by now, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) has recently thrown her hat into the ring of contenders for the 2008 Democrat presidential nomination.   Because I happen to think that Ms. Clinton is among the most disingenuous individuals in American politics, I have decided to relate what I believe she would have said in her public announcement to run for president if she were capable of being honest with the people of this country.
The following quotes are from Hillary's brief "I'm In" statement of January 20th, 2007. After each one I have included my own version of her message, written in a way that I feel more accurately reflects her true attitudes and desires.
HRC - "I announced today that I am forming a presidential exploratory committee."
I announced today that I am forming a presidential exploratory committee, and before I say anything else, let me just point out that it was never my intention to complete my second term as the junior Senator from New York. I'll be damned if I'm going to continue taking a back seat to Chucky Schumer,  while losers like John Kerry  get all the attention. Screw my constituents, I want to be president!
HRC - "I'm not just starting a campaign, though, I'm beginning a conversation - with you, with America.
I'm not just starting a campaign though, I'm creating a fearsome political hit squad to eliminate all of my competitors, and while I'm at it, I'll be having conversations with wealthy Hollywood film actors, labor union leaders, sycophantic journalists, a slew of activist lawyers, and anyone else with the money and influence to help me get elected.
HRC - "Because we all need to be part of the discussion if we're all going to be part of the solution. And all of us have to be part of the solution."
Because limousine liberals are the solution to my fiscal problems, and sitting down to softball interviews with schmucks like Larry King  will be of tremendous help to me as I attempt to convince large numbers of Americans that I'm not really a communist.
HRC - "Let's talk about how to bring the right end to the war in Iraq and to restore respect for America around the world."
Let's talk in nice, warm, totally disingenuous tones about how wrong it was for George W. Bush to get us into a war for oil, and why we must pull out of Iraq as soon as possible, even though doing so will demoralize our military and emboldened our enemies.
HRC - "How to make us energy independent and free of foreign oil."
How we need to punish Exxon-Mobil and Chevron with millions of dollars in new taxes, and block any effort to increase oil production in the United States.
HRC - "How to end the deficits that threaten Social Security and Medicare."
How to end deficits via accounting fraud and increased taxation across the board, while throwing billions of dollars more at Social Security and Medicare, and praying that those government-run monstrosities don't completely collapse... at least while I'm president.
HRC - "And let's definitely talk about how every American can have quality affordable health care."
And let's definitely talk about the socialized medicine plan that I'm still determined to force down everyone's throat, even though practically nobody supported it the first time around. 
HRC - "You know, after six years of George Bush, it is time to renew the promise of America."
You know, I'm actually glad that Bush won the last election, because I'd never get my party's nomination if John Kerry were in the White House today. Still, the useful idiots  who make up my support base will abandon me like rats from a sinking ship if I don't take a cheap shot at the president every now and again.
HRC - "Our basic bargain that no matter who you are or where you live, if you work hard and play by the rules, you can build a good life for yourself and your family."
I don't care who you are, where you live, or how hard you work, if you're not among the liberal elite in this country, what you think is irrelevant to me, and I'm going to do everything in my power to seize control over every aspect of your pathetic life.
HRC - "I grew up in a middle-class family in the middle of America, and we believed in that promise."
I grew up in a middle-class family, and not a day goes by that I don't thank the gods of fate for delivering me from that nightmarish existence.
HRC - "I still do. I've spent my entire life trying to make good on it."
I still have contempt for the American capitalist system, which is why I went into politics in the first place. I've spent my entire life trying to make huge amounts of money without contributing anything of real value to society.
HRC - "Whether it was fighting for women's basic rights or children's basic health care. Protecting our Social Security, or protecting our soldiers. It's a kind of basic bargain, and we've got to keep up our end."
Whether I was defending murderous Black Panther members,  covering up my husband's sexual exploits,  or accepting over a million dollars in illegal contributions to my first Senate campaign,   I always managed to walk away with my cloak of respectability intact.
HRC - "So let's talk. Let's chat. Let's start a dialogue about your ideas and mine."
So let's forget about all those pesky little details of my life, and focus instead on destroying Barack Obama's  reputation before next year's Democratic primaries.
HRC - "Because the conversation in Washington has been just a little one-sided lately, don't you think? And we can all see how well that works."
Because the conversation in the media has been a little too Obama-centric lately, don't you think? And we all know what happens to people who get between me and the spotlight.
HRC - "And while I can't visit everyone's living room, I can try. And with a little help from modern technology, I'll be holding live online video chats this week, starting Monday."
And while I can't force the folks at CNN and MSNBC to like me more than Obama, I can sure as hell dig up some dirt on the guy, which should eventually cause opportunists like Chris Matthews  and Wolf Blitzer  to turn on him like a pack of rabid weasels.
HRC - "So let the conversation begin. I have a feeling it's going to be very interesting."
So let the mud-slinging begin! I have a feeling my attack machine will have that amateur on his knees in a matter of months, and if all goes well, he'll be reduced to a political eunuch long before the 2008 Convention.
Edward Daley was born to American parents on a U.S. military base in Stephenville, Newfoundland, Canada, and moved to the United States as an infant. He became active in politics in 1984, the first year he was old enough to vote for the President of the United States. He is currently a political op-ed columnist for upwards of 38 on-line conservative journals and magazines, and a landlord of rental property. Edward has been a salesman, bar doorman, typesetter, and security guard. He is a college graduate with a number of hobbies and interests, including reading, writing poetry and short stories, web designing, watching professional football, and drinking 12-year-old single malt scotch.