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"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." - John 8:32
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Author:  Larry Simoneaux
Bio: Larry Simoneaux
Date:  February 4, 2007
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Topic category:  Other/General

Random Observations.

I canít take credit for all of the following. Some have been sent to me. Some Iíve either read or heard here and there. A few have just plain spilled from the dark, dank and mildewed recesses of my mind. I hope, however, that some of them will, at least, give you a chuckle

  • Itís been said that the real definition of "well bred" is someone who can hear the William Tell Overture without immediately thinking "Hi-Yo, Silver. Awayyy!"
  • If you say "no" often enough, theyíll eventually go away and ask Mom.
  • First law of bureaucracies: "The cost of any proposed project is inversely proportional to the facts justifying that project." Thus, multi-billion dollar projects are usually based on "best guesses."
  • Manners are the Swiss Army Knives of human behavior Ė time tested, easy to use, and always helpful in unexpected situations. Too bad that, lately, they seem to be going extinct.
  • Our betters in Washington seem to have missed the point that you can stop more illegal immigration with a fence and an armed guard than you can with a fence alone.
  • Human engineering observation: You cannot shut your ears. Your mouth, however, is something else altogether.
  • If youíre still awake and worrying at 3 AM, talk to God about the problem. Heís probably still up and working on something too.
  • Experience is that huge, unmarked, and irreparable pothole in the highway of theory.
  • A prayer: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I canít change, the willingness to change the things I can, and the firepower needed to blow away those who truly annoy me."
  • "Staff" Ė a catís definition of the human race.
  • In any organization, if youíre not at the tip of the spear, your job is very simply to support those who are.
  • Life is that awkward, annoying, and confusing period between naps.
  • Swallow a slug first thing in the morning. The day will get brighter from that point on.
  • Rocks and trees are natureís way of reminding skiers of the laws of physics.
  • Two useful tips for men. First: Whenever you buy clothes for your wife, buy a size 4. Sheíll love you for it. Second: Hold onto the receipt.
  • Be careful with good ideas. They can be "committeed" to death.
  • Those who define themselves as hyphenated Americans donít really understand the meaning of the term "American." Those who vehemently define themselves as hyphenated Americans are, in general, a pain in the patoot.
  • Men, there are two ways to argue with women. Neither works. Get used to it.
  • Whenever the legislature is in session, itís best to hide all of your money. Such is especially true whenever one party (and it doesnít matter which one) controls everything.
  • Helicopters donít fly. They simply beat the air into submission.
  • Most decisions can be made based on a combination of four questions. Is it right? Is it wrong? Does it hurt? Does it help? If itís right and helps, do it. If itís wrong and hurts, donít do it. If itís right and hurts, youíve got a backbone check coming up. If itís wrong and it helps, youíre about to plumb the depths of your character.
  • Insanity is where the mind goes when it finally comprehends the situation.
  • The road of life is complicated, the map is often indecipherable, detours are inevitable, there are no "U-turns," and the stop sign comes up without any warning at all.
  • Wrinkles are Godís way of saying, "Iíll be around to pick you up pretty soon."
  • If everythingís going well, disasterís probably taking a nap. Be warned. Disasterís a very light sleeper.
  • "Because I said so," is a perfectly valid answer to many of your kidsí questions.
  • Why is there never enough time to do it right, but always enough time to do it over?
  • As regards the Civil War; itís top of the second, Yankees1, Rebels 0.
  • If itís free, itís advice. If you have to pay for it, itís counseling. If you can ever use either one, itís a miracle.

    And finally:

  • Blessed are the flexible for they shall never be bent out of shape.
  • Larry Simoneaux

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    Biography - Larry Simoneaux

    Larry Simoneaux is a regular columnist for The Everett Herald in Washington state. He is a retired ship driver for the US Navy and NOAA.

    Read other commentaries by Larry Simoneaux.

    Copyright © 2007 by Larry Simoneaux
    All Rights Reserved.

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