Funny noises coming from the vicinity of your carís transmission can be silenced only by massive expenditures of money.
About the only thing Iím getting out of all of the televised debates is that most candidates will provide a direct answer to a question on about the same day as ice skates go on sale in hell. In studying history, I believe this has always been true.
Bush. Clinton. Clinton. Bush. Bush. Clinton (maybe). Clinton (heaven help us). I donít think this is what the Founding Fathers had in mind. Too, in a nation of 300 million people or so, Iím fairly sure we could Ė without too much trouble - come up with a few other people capable of running the show every bit as badly as they have or will.
People who text message while driving should have a designated lane all their own. That would be the one wherein fully loaded 18-wheelers are travelling in the opposite direction at 100 miles-per-hour. I think such a lane might be the only thing capable of bringing the text-messagersí focus back to the task at hand Ė driving.
Hands down, the best smell on earth is freshly baked bread. Doesnít taste half bad, either.
We should just, in the name of decorum and good taste, knock off all of the "E.D." commercials.
No political campaign of any kind should be allowed to begin more than 60 days prior to the election. The penalty for ignoring this would be having any offenders sit through all of the French entries to any foreign film festival.
If you can see the bottom of a full cup of coffee, (A) It isnít really coffee; and (B) Itís not worth drinking.
We need to start paying attention to all of the side effects they mumble about at the end of the commercials for the drugs theyíre pushing on television nowadays. Since when is "danger of stroke" a side effect? If thatís a possible side effect, whatís the benefit? A heart attack?
The shortest measurable interval of time on earth is the period between stubbing your toe while walking barefooted to the bathroom at night and shouting the expletive that wakes up your wife.
The CEOís of all major airlines should be required to make a cross-country flight (in coach, mind you) at least once every month. Such a trip would include their being required to do everything themselves. This would include booking the flight, driving themselves to the airport, getting bumped from the flight, re-booking, getting through security, having their departure delayed, missing connections, waiting for lost luggage, and praying that someone, somewhere is really trying to do something to improve things.
The likes of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears seem set low standards for themselves and then consistently fail to achieve them.
Giving weird answers to telephone poll questions is just plain fun. If enough of us did it, I'm pretty sure it would put an end to polls and keep the politicians guessing Ė which is exactly as it should be. Might even make one or two of them decide to do something radical like telling us exactly what they believed.
Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton just plain drive me nuts.
The mellowest sound on earth is a mother humming to her baby.
Gas stations that don't have signs telling you the price of gas are always more expensive than those that do.
he most overblown thing on earth is the halftime show at the Super Bowl.
On a related note, What the world doesnít need is another variation of the Star Spangled Banner before a sporting event. Just sing it the way itís supposed to be sung, please.
Reality shows arenít.
"She Wore A Yellow Ribbon" is still the best western ever made.
Any smell thatís coming from under your house will only get worse with time. Dealing with whatís causing it pretty much follows that same path too.
If you want a surefire way to make wars tough to get into, make it a law that every elected officialís oldest son or daughter (once they are of age) has to serve in a frontline combat unit while they remain in office. We might not even need term limits were such a law in place.
Iím quitting now before I get into any more trouble.