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"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." - John 8:32
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Author:  Larry Simoneaux
Bio: Larry Simoneaux
Date:  June 9, 2008
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Topic category:  Other/General

Things we really don't need.

What follows are a few things I think we really don’t need:

1. “Viva Viagra” commercials.

I suppose I could just leave it at that, but my editor would probably mutter an oath or two and then call to tell me that I owe him about another 740 words or so and he’s not going to put up with any excuses.

So. “Viva Viagra” commercials. Better known as "Let’s just be downright tasteless.”

These little embarrassments were probably designed by the same people who do the magazine ads for Abercrombie & Fitch - and we all know how much regard for taste and sensibility go into those.

I can’t hit the channel change button quick enough when one of these commercials comes on.

As for the relatives of the men in that commercial, you have to wonder if they wear bags over their heads when they go out.

2. The “(fill in the blank)” card being played in the upcoming election.

You just know this one’s coming.

It’s not like we don’t have major problems facing us. Our education system is in trouble. The government is broke. Social security isn’t secure. If we have an energy policy, it’s “let’s ignore things to see if they go away.” The war needs to be concluded. Medical coverage is beyond the means of too many. Ditto the price of a home. Drugs are far too common. Our borders are sieves.

And, with all of this and more to get at, I have a feeling that we’re going to be led into meaningless arguments over race, age, or what have you during the next few months.

Instead of debating the tough issues facing us, we’re going to get a lot of who said what to offend whom and what kind of apologies are appropriate.

Smoke and mirrors is what it’s going to be and real problems will be given nothing more than lip service.

I hope I’m wrong here, but my gut tells me it’s coming. So are a few major catastrophes if we let this happen.

3. Another round of Bill.

Holding the beliefs that I hold, the likelihood of my ever voting for Obama hover somewhere between “not a prayer” and “has hell frozen over recently?”

Still, I think it’d be a good idea for someone close to him to be continually whispering in his ear that, should he pick Hillary as his Vice Presidential running mate, he’s going to have some major problems.

Hillary waited all those years to get the nomination she thought would be hers in a walk. My guess is that she’s going to have a tough time biding her time, holding her opinions, and playing second fiddle to someone she considers wet behind the ears.

The two staffs will likely start sniping almost immediately with turf wars to follow thereafter.

If you doubt the intensity of some of Hillary’s supporters, replay Harold Ickes’ comments on the compromise seating of the Florida and Michigan delegates, remembering as you do, that he had a major hand in shaping the very rules that caused that debacle. Consistency, thy name be not politician.

Then, of course, there’s Bill - the loose cannon that will be rumbling around D.C. ever ready with an opinion, an untimely remark, and an already lit short-fused temper over being denied the chance to reoccupy the White House.

Dream ticket? Nightmare (for Obama) might be the better adjective.

4. Six more weeks of winter.

OK. I get it that we live in the Northwest. I get it that our weather patterns tend to be a bit cool. I get it that there’s a t-shirt out there that says: “Seattle Rain Festival: Jan 1 - Dec 31.”

I get all of the above, but it’s June and I’m still using our fireplace. The official start of summer is coming up and I’m wearing a coat to work every day.

My sister tells me that the temperatures in New Orleans are in the 90’s and that they’ve already brought in the first tomatoes. Mine, for the record, are less than a foot tall and are probably shivering at night.

I can make it through a normal Northwest winter, but I only have about one nerve left and the weather we’re having this year is getting on it.

If global warming is real, can someone please tell Al Gore that I want my share now?

Larry Simoneaux

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Biography - Larry Simoneaux

Larry Simoneaux is a regular columnist for The Everett Herald in Washington state. He is a retired ship driver for the US Navy and NOAA.

Read other commentaries by Larry Simoneaux.

Copyright © 2008 by Larry Simoneaux
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