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"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." - John 8:32
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Author:  Larry Simoneaux
Bio: Larry Simoneaux
Date:  November 29, 2009
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Topic category:  Other/General

The Other Side of 60

Here are a few things Iíve come to undestand or, at least, learned to accept now that Iíve left that little milestone a year or so behind me.

  • The really good foods that I used to enjoy, i.e. chili with beans, tacos, pizza, potato chips, fried anything, salted peanuts, etc., now often leave me feeling as if someoneís poured gasoline into my stomach and set a match to it

  • Corollary to the above: I now think of Tums as condiments and Pepto Bismol as a soothing refreshment.

  • If I stare at a young woman for any length of time - say, more than a second - sheíll likely think Iím a pervert and call the cops. The fact that Iím probably the same age as her (grand)dad has finally sunk in.

  • A good sermon from a preacher who can make me understand that going to bat against the devil is a day-to-day event and that most of us are likely to strike out a time or two every week is something that I truly enjoy.

  • Having watched what politicians (of any persuasion) do with our money for all these years, I have many more questions to ask whenever I hear that they want to: (a) raise taxes; (b) start a new program of any kind; or (c) grant themselves a pay raise.

  • Iíve stopped believing that our elected poohbahs can accurately predict anything. This helps - whenever they get us into another mess - keep my my blood pressure in a range that my doctor considers acceptable.

  • Iíve found a prayer that I recommend for all of us who now reside on the backside of 60: ďGod, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the ability to find my glasses so as to be able to tell the difference.Ē

  • Trying to tie my shoes has become something of a challenge in that bending over that far seems to have become a whole lot more difficult than I ever remember it being and - go figure - straightening up can be even more painful than bending over.

  • There is, indeed, some truth to the the old saying that, if you want to find unconditional love and approval, youíd better get a dog.

  • Dealing with women who are close to me has become a lot easier since I finally came to the understanding that we really are two completely different species. Simply accepting that fact makes many situations much more amicable but, usually, never more understandable.

  • Do note that women havenít figured out our wiring diagram yet either.

  • Iíve learned through hard experience that Iím every bit as capable of doing dumb things as many people think that I am. The thing is, Iíve found that almost everyone that I consider a friend is just as capable of doing the same. Itís called being human and itís taken this long for me to: (a) admit it; (b) forgive myself and others for being such; and (c) learn to laugh as hard at myself as they do.

  • In light of that last, you can actually be pretty highly thought of if you consistently use three simple phrases. These would be: (a) ďI was wrong;Ē (b) ďIím sorry;Ē and (c) ďThank you.Ē Do note that you have to mean them though.

  • Comfortable cars make a heck of a lot more sense to me now.

  • Cutting the grass, cleaning gutters, sweeping the garage, or any other job can, in fact, wait. Naps are a perfectly acceptable way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

  • I donít like large groups. I prefer individuals because itís become pretty clear to me that most people will treat each other decently until you get them formed up into a large group. Thatís when things start going south. Think Republicans vs. Democrats if you need a current example.

    And, finally:

  • Iíve become even more hardened in my often stated belief that when you pick up a cell phone while driving, your car should explode. And, further, when your cell phone rings during a movie, you should explode.

    Larry Simoneaux

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    Biography - Larry Simoneaux

    Larry Simoneaux is a regular columnist for The Everett Herald in Washington state. He is a retired ship driver for the US Navy and NOAA.

    Read other commentaries by Larry Simoneaux.

    Copyright © 2009 by Larry Simoneaux
    All Rights Reserved.

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